About Soul Mates

One of the most often asked question in life is

"when am I going to meet my soul mate/man/woman of my dreams".

I guess relationship questions are my bread and butter, after all it is a very important subject in our lives and even this jaded old astrologer wouldn't mind finding someone nice to play with.

What is this soul mate thing all about and do any of us ever really reach utopia where relating is concerned? Here is what my Concise Macquarie Dictionary had to say on the subject of soul mates.

"one of two or more persons who share common interests, temperaments and aspirations".

Sounds simple enough, so why do people have so much difficulty in acquiring such a mate or mates? (the Dictionary seems to suggest more than one mate perhaps it approves of threesomes which surprises me because it is such a conservative tome).

The common interest thing is easy to handle, all you have to do is pick the thing you are most interested in and join a club. If you both like hiking or photography then you can spend hours of pure bliss together for ever and ever. That is if both of you meet each others' criteria in looks, height, weight, age, social/financial status. Things go well until you realise that your soul mate thinks a brisk walk is a hike up kilimanjaro while you prefer a quite stroll around the botanic gardens. After a while secondary interests such as taste in music or movies begin to chip away at the pure bliss for ever and ever issue too. Maybe, just maybe there is more to this "common interest" thing than meets the eye.

Ok, so let's move on to temperaments. The Dictionary defines temperament as..

" the individual peculiarity of physical organisation by which the manner of thinking, feeling and acting is permanently affected."

Well we won't worry about the technicalities, all you have to do is define your temperament and go look for someone similar. So, if you are a perfectionist who is particular and often critical when something or someone doesn't meet your standards then all you have to do is go find a soul mate who is the same. I just hope that you both meet with each other's approval otherwise this temperament thing is going to cause problems too. Maybe you are not like this, you could be quite accommodating, liking to do things for other people, in which case you are probably going to enter into a competition with a soul mate to see who can do the most things for the other.

Let's try aspirations, surely we can find someone with the same aspirations. The friendly dictionary (dictionaries seem like boring little books, not much of a plot but you can learn a lot from them) says an aspiration is a

" lofty or ambitious desire".

You might aspire to join Greenpeace and save the world in which case there will be little time for a soul mate. It is more likely you just aspire to find financial security, happiness and contentment in life. This takes us back to the beginning where we started to look for your soul mate so that you could achieve happiness and contentment and live happily ever after....

I know I haven't brought you any closer to solving your quest for a soul mate. Dissecting the words by looking up dictionary definitions kind of takes the romance away from it too. Romance is what we seek in our soul mate but the end result of our quest is usually another hyphenated word I found next to soul mate in the Dictionary - soul-destroying.

So what is the answer? You'll never guess - the dictionary had the answer to that too - soul searching

"the act or process of close and penetrating analysis of oneself, to determine ones motives and sentiments".

Ugh ! The harshness of reality. Only when you have destroyed the myth of your perfect mate, and smashed your lofty aspirations can you seek something that is not only attainable but something that may just bring lasting happiness and contentment.

When we use terms like soul mate and man/woman of our dreams what do we really mean? What do we really want? What is it we expect? Don't just sit there, make some lists and then you may begin to see that the things you seek are simply words and concepts that may not exist in reality.

While you are soul-searching consider this. If you want a friend first you have to be one. So maybe if you want a soul mate maybe you have to be one of those too. Can you match up to someone else's criteria of a soul mate? This is a bit scary isn't it? But it must be because if two people are to be soul mates then each must live up to the expectations of the other.

Maybe I have burst your bubble, wiped your dreams and eliminated all thoughts of romance and I cannot makes amends for this. It is not that I am a cruel and heartless astrologer because I truly do want everyone to be happy. I do not believe it is possible to reach happiness if one is always chasing rainbows. I see so many people living unfulfilled lives because they seek something that does not exist. If they look past the fantasy and get real they may just find some satisfaction that will suit their purposes.

The concept of a perfect relationship rests not with a soul mate, it is not out there with someone else, it lies within you. If you search your soul long enough to become a prospective soul mate to another then who knows what the universe will deliver. There is magic even in reality.

You may look at others and assume they have found their soul mate and have the perfect relationship. What you see may also be an illusion and if you could be a fly on the wall you may look beneath the veneer of perfection and see discord you never realised existed. Most people struggle in relationships because it is difficult to blend the complexities of two people and create perfect harmony all the time.

So don't ask me when you are going to meet your soul mate. Ask instead what you need to know about yourself in order to find inner happiness and contentment. If we are happy inside we attract happiness outside. I can tell you your motivations within relationships. I can tell you what has influenced your perceptions. I can tell you what adjustments need to be made and I can suggest possible solutions but I am all out of soul mates this week.

Now don't start with the knights in shining armour/damsels in distress or I will scream.

Seriously though, life can be easy if you let it, just be yourself, be happy inside and let life happen all around you. You can benefit by learning more about yourself in relationships, self-knowledge is wisdom.

Hazel Leung
Telephone 0438 318 180 or (07) 4031 8181
Email

You can find out about yourself in relationships with an
Personalised Astrology Report

You can Learn how to do relationships differently with
Life Coaching