About Soul Mates
One of the most often asked question in life is
"when am I going to meet my soul mate/man/woman
of my dreams".
I guess relationship questions are
my bread and butter, after all it is a very important
subject in our lives and even this jaded old astrologer
wouldn't mind finding someone nice to play with.
What is this soul mate thing all about and do any of us ever really reach utopia where relating is concerned? Here
is what my Concise Macquarie Dictionary had
to say on the subject of soul mates.
"one of two or
more persons who share common interests, temperaments
Sounds simple enough, so why do people
have so much difficulty in acquiring such a mate or
mates? (the Dictionary seems to suggest more than one mate perhaps it approves of threesomes which
surprises me because it is such a conservative tome).
common interest thing is easy to handle, all you have
to do is pick the thing you are most interested in
and join a club. If you both like hiking or photography
then you can spend hours of pure bliss together for
ever and ever. That is if both of you meet each others'
criteria in looks, height, weight, age, social/financial
status. Things go well until you realise that your
soul mate thinks a brisk walk is a hike up kilimanjaro
while you prefer a quite stroll around the botanic
gardens. After a while secondary interests such as
taste in music or movies begin to chip away at the pure
bliss for ever and ever issue too. Maybe, just maybe
there is more to this "common interest" thing than
meets the eye.
so let's move on to temperaments. The Dictionary defines
" the individual peculiarity of physical
organisation by which the manner of thinking, feeling
and acting is permanently affected."
Well we won't
worry about the technicalities, all you have to do
is define your temperament and go look for someone
similar. So, if you are a perfectionist who is particular
and often critical when something or someone doesn't
meet your standards then all you have to do is go
find a soul mate who is the same. I just hope that
you both meet with each other's approval otherwise
this temperament thing is going to cause problems
too. Maybe you are not like this, you could be quite
accommodating, liking to do things for other people,
in which case you are probably going to enter into
a competition with a soul mate to see who can do the most things for the other.
try aspirations, surely we can find someone with the
same aspirations. The friendly dictionary (dictionaries seem
like boring little books, not much of a plot but you
can learn a lot from them) says an aspiration is a
" lofty or ambitious desire".
You might aspire to
join Greenpeace and save the world in which case there
will be little time for a soul mate. It is more likely
you just aspire to find financial security, happiness
and contentment in life. This takes us back to the
beginning where we started to look for your soul mate
so that you could achieve happiness and contentment
and live happily ever after....
I know I haven't brought you any closer to solving
your quest for a soul mate. Dissecting the words by
looking up dictionary definitions kind of takes the
romance away from it too. Romance is what we seek
in our soul mate but the end result of our quest is
usually another hyphenated word I found next to soul
mate in the Dictionary - soul-destroying.
what is the answer? You'll never guess - the dictionary
had the answer to that too - soul searching
or process of close and penetrating analysis of oneself,
to determine ones motives and sentiments".
Ugh ! The harshness of reality. Only when
you have destroyed the myth of your perfect mate,
and smashed your lofty aspirations can you seek something
that is not only attainable but something that may
just bring lasting happiness and contentment.
we use terms like soul mate and man/woman of our dreams
what do we really mean? What do we really want? What
is it we expect? Don't just sit there, make some lists
and then you may begin to see that the things you
seek are simply words and concepts that may not exist
you are soul-searching consider this. If you want
a friend first you have to be one. So maybe if you
want a soul mate maybe you have to be one of those
too. Can you match up to someone else's criteria of
a soul mate? This is a bit scary isn't it? But it
must be because if two people are to be soul mates
then each must live up to the expectations of the
I have burst your bubble, wiped your dreams and eliminated
all thoughts of romance and I cannot makes amends
for this. It is not that I am a cruel and heartless
astrologer because I truly do want everyone to be
happy. I do not believe it is possible to reach happiness
if one is always chasing rainbows. I see so many people
living unfulfilled lives because they seek something
that does not exist. If they look past the fantasy
and get real they may just find some satisfaction
that will suit their purposes.
concept of a perfect relationship rests not with a
soul mate, it is not out there with someone else,
it lies within you. If you search your soul long enough
to become a prospective soul mate to another then
who knows what the universe will deliver. There is
magic even in reality.
You may look at others and assume they have found
their soul mate and have the perfect relationship.
What you see may also be an illusion and if you could
be a fly on the wall you may look beneath the veneer
of perfection and see discord you never realised existed.
Most people struggle in relationships because it is
difficult to blend the complexities of two people
and create perfect harmony all the time.
don't ask me when you are going to meet your soul
mate. Ask instead what you need to know about yourself
in order to find inner happiness and contentment.
If we are happy inside we attract happiness outside.
I can tell you your motivations within relationships.
I can tell you what has influenced your perceptions.
I can tell you what adjustments need to be made and
I can suggest possible solutions but I am all out
of soul mates this week.
don't start with the knights in shining armour/damsels
in distress or I will scream.
Seriously though, life can be easy if you let it, just be yourself, be happy inside and let life happen all around you. You can benefit by learning more about yourself in relationships, self-knowledge is wisdom.
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